Absolem.
" I shall have to put up with a few with a few caterpillars if I want to see butterflies. "Recently, I've been having this hurt feeling. Not being able to be with them, not being able to laugh with them, eat with them. It feels terrible. I thought I wasn't the only one carrying the burden. Stupidly, at some point, I really thought they'd miss my company. But it turns out they don't. The other person's with them now, telling stories to them. What can I do, I have a weak heart. You feel like something's not right, like something has changed all of a sudden. That's exactly how I feel these days. They don't give you a beep anymore, they don't talk to you much even when you're with them, they keep saying they're busy so as not to spend their vacant time with you. It's horrible. I try my hardest not to mind those, but when I have nothing to keep myself busy, these hurtful thoughts chime on me like church bells. It hurts more now whenever I see them happy when they finally get to avoiding me. Also, I only get a message from them when they need something from me. For the next few semesters, I plan on being with myself only. I'm actually doing it now. I go to classes alone, spend my vacant time alone (not to mention I have 8 hours of vacant time every M-W-F), eat alone. This is exactly the feeling you'll get when you're being persecuted, only I didn't do anything for them to persecute me. *Sigh*
It'll be one tough journey, but He's with me, so what more can I ask for? Seems like I also can't trust them anymore. It'll only hurt me if I keep on pretending that everything's okay, that nothing has changed. When in reality, it's the opposite. I can only smile, and keep my tears to myself. That's why I'm also considering one thing -- changing my blog's URL. I think it'll be better for me if I also keep this blog to myself and to people that I truly trust.
Yea, definitely.